I was raised to never hit anyone.
The only fight I ever got into in high school involved one guy hitting me and me just staring back at him. I was never around violence as a child or youth. I never witnessed violence until I was married to an abuser. In fact, I was in multiple adult relationships with abusers. I will not name names. But I will share this story because it has a lot to do with my weight loss journey.
My parents saw the problem before I did. My mom was the most vocal about it. “I don’t like the way she treats you.” I ignored her because I did not expect my mom to approve of anyone I was involved with. And I did not desire the input of my parents if it meant giving up the woman I loved.
My mother talked to me on the eve of two brutal relationships and tried to talk me out of them. I would give anything to go back and have another chance at those conversations.
It was my parents who moved me out of these abusive homes. They were the ones to help me pick up the pieces.
I thought the abuse was my fault.
I thought I was supposed to take it “like a man.”
I thought it must be some secret part of intimate relationships.
I thought it was what I deserved.
I thought I deserved to have knives and lamps thrown at me.
I thought I deserved to be called a jerk, an ass, and many names I will not repeat.
I thought I deserved to have all my deficiencies revealed, while covering up hers.
I thought I deserved to be poked, stabbed, slapped, punched, scratched and gouged.
I thought I deserved to have the phone slapped out of my hand as I was calling 911.
I thought it was against God’s will to leave the abuser.
I thought I was unworthy of anything better.
I thought hateful words were terms of endearment.
For more than ten years of my life I lived in the fear of not knowing what would set the abusers off.
And I ate my way into oblivion.
“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” – Mark 12:29-31 NIV
I believed it was my responsibility to take the abuse. I was wrong. That helped no one. It protected no one.
It is not okay to hit. It is not okay to get hit either.
Report it. Leave it. Don’t do it.
Find some help.
If you are ever in immediate danger, dial 911.
Find local help by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE.
In Stephens County Oklahoma, counselors are available at Women’s Haven, 580.252.4347.
If you are looking for someone to coach you through your weight loss journey, email the author at firstname.lastname@example.org. Rates are $25/30 minutes. Confidential Skype, telephone and local appointments available.