Guilt and Shame

One of the biggest triggers for my overeating has been guilt and shame. Whether or not I am guilty. Guilt and shame I have borne many times when I was completely at fault. Many times I bore it when others simply placed their guilt and shame on me.

Dealing with guilt and shame is part of the healing process to be delivered from this prison cell of morbid obesity.

I have plenty to feel guilty about, plenty to be ashamed of.

I overindulged in food nearly all my life.

I abandoned a church in need just because I felt my personal life falling apart.

I left stepchildren without ever being able to see them again.

I hurt others with unkind words.

I judged others, always without knowing all the facts.

I spent too much time in theater when I had a new family.

I even watched every episode of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”

There is no greater shame I feel than that of the day I moved out of the house in which my oldest daughter lived, not knowing when I would see her again.

I have plenty to be ashamed of without bearing other people’s burdens.

But I bore guilt every time someone hit me.

I bore guilt when others cheated on me.

I bore guilt when others told me I was not good enough to be with them, to preach for them or to even teach them.

I bore guilt when others left me.

All this guilt and shame encircled my life in a vicious cycle. I would address the guilt in behaviors like overeating. Then the overeating would bring on more guilt, which would then feed the addiction of overeating.

Here is the strange, cool, amazing part, I have someone willing to bear mine and everyone else’s guilt and shame. So there is no reason for me to bear guilt and shame, mine or anyone else’s.

I have not overeaten for over 210 days now. I was healed. Part of that healing was God’s forgiveness of all I did wrong. Part of the healing was the removal of guilt and shame.

I still mess up. I still say stupid things. I still fall short.

The rest of the healing process is God giving me the courage to write this blog, where I share those mistakes without the burden of guilt and shame.

To put it in Biblical terms, there is no longer a reason for me to cover my own sins with overindulgence because God has already covered my sins for me.

You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. – Micah 7:19 NIV

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