Working Titles I:3

Continued from Working Titles I:2.

[Lights up downstage. Stage is empty. Carol’s dog is heard barking offstage. Duggy enters SR carrying shopping boxes and bags. He’s looking for Carol.]

Carol: [Offstage] Douglas!

Duggy: Over here!

[Carol enters SL]

Carol: There you are my dear! I was afraid I lost you! Ms. Emma was getting thirsty so we had to stop by the water fountain.

Duggy: You let it drink from the water fountain?

[Carol gives Duggy dirty look and attempts to cover Ms. Emma’s ears.]

Duggy: I mean, you let her drink from the…public water fountain?


Duggy: Sorry.

Carol: Hold this darling. [Hands Duggy new package]. I have just one more stop and I’ll be right back. [Exits left just as Duggy’s cell phone rings. With some difficulty balancing packages, he answers it by tapping the earbud in his ear.]

Duggy: This is Douglas, uh, Duggy, this is Duggy. … Hey boss, yes, I turned that estimate in last week. … Sure thing. …No, no. They extended the deadline from last May… I’m sure they would take that into consideration. …I’m not so sure she would be interested in that, ma’am.

Carol: [Offstage] Douglas! Wait till you see what I purchased for my Aunt Clara!

Duggy: [Speaking to his boss on the phone] I said I’m not so sure she would be interested!

Carol: [Entering from left] Look, Look, Look, Look…Isn’t it lovely?!

Duggy: No, no ma’am.

Carol: Whatever do you mean? It’s perfect. She will love it!

Duggy: I’m sure she will hate that idea. [Duggy tries to point at the earbud in his ear to signal Carol he is on the phone but the packages make this difficult and his gesture is misunderstood.] Sure, I’ll hold.

Carol: [Hands Duggy new package in his arm which was attempting to point to his ear] Oh thank you. And I’m not crazy! You have no taste, whatsoever.

Duggy: Sweety, I’m talking to my…

Carol: You can say whatever you want, I’m not paying any attention to you.

Duggy: …I was just talking to…

Carol: I know my Aunt Clara better than anyone…

Duggy: [To boss on phone] Yes, I’m here.

Carol: Of course You are, I’m standing right here. But I’m not talking to you anymore today.

Duggy: [Looking at Carol but talking to boss] I think we should just forget the whole thing.

Carol: Douglas! I say, there is no reason to…

Duggy: [Stepping away] We will never be able to get on the same page…

Carol: Well, Of course we can.

Duggy: I said, we will never be able to get on the same page.

Carol: I heard you the first time! I don’t know why you are being so negative today!

Duggy: [To Carol] I’m not talking to you.

Carol: I’m not talking to you either.

Duggy: [To boss] No, I am talking to you.

Carol: Well, make up your mind.

Duggy: Teresa? Teresa?

Carol: [Realizing] Are you talking to your boss?

Duggy: No, no, no.

Carol: Then who are you talking to?

Duggy: I can’t say, ma’am.

Carol: That’s it, I’m going home and you can just call me when you come to your senses. We will see who’s talking to whom.

Duggy: Teresa, can I please call you back? …Thanks, bye.

Carol: You we’re talking to your boss?

Duggy: Yes! I’m sorry.

Carol: Why didn’t you say so?!?

Duggy: [Motioning with both arms to display difficulty in holding the packages.] It was kind of hard to signal you and my boss would not stop talking long enough…

Carol: [Almost in tears but angry] I thought you were breaking up with me! And you were being so rude about Aunt Clara.

Duggy: It’s Okay, it was just a…

Carol: And I don’t know where you get off telling me about my own Aunt…

Duggy: I wasn’t talking about…

Carol: And then that business about being on the same page. When have we ever not been on the same page.

Duggy: Well, I can think of a few…

Carol: Oh Douglas, if I ever lost you! [She attempts to hug Duggy by the neck, but is unable to do more than lean in cheek to cheek because she is still holding her dog in one hand and a package in the other.]

Duggy: There, there, dear. I’m not going anywhere. [A ding is heard from Carol’s phone signaling a text message received.]

Carol: [Recovering] Oh, that’s me. [Carol hands Duggy her new package and looks at her phone.] Douglas, did you call Kelly the hottest woman in the apartment building?

Duggy: Um…what?

Carol: You heard me.

Duggy: Well, I may have said something about…

Carol: You said Kelly is “hotter” than me?

Duggy: But, Honey. You don’t live in the apartment building.

Carol: Do you think Kelly is hotter than me? [Duggy opens his mouth but no words come] You do, don’t you. [She starts to walk Offstage right]

Duggy: Honey! I didn’t say that! [Carol stops and Duggy starts to walk to her but then pauses] Wait, how did you know that?

Carol: Know what?

Duggy: How did you know I said that?

Carol: Well, I, uh, I don’t, I don’t see how that’s…How could you say such a thing? [She exits right. Duggy follows.]


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