Working Titles I:4

Continued from Working Titles I:3.

[Lights up on Charlie’s living room. Charlie’s best friend Jake is sitting on the sofa reading the newspaper. Charlie enters from kitchen with two mugs of coffee and hands one to Jake before sitting down in the recliner, right. Charlie reads a magazine and they both sit quietly reading for a few moments.]

Jake: That was a nice article you wrote on using safety razors instead of disposable razors.

Charlie: Hmph.

Jake: I never knew how much waste was generated by the personal grooming industry.

Charlie: Umm hmph.

Jake: And I had no idea there were so many uses for a quality razor blade.

Charlie: Hmph.

Jake: Did you hear Pastor Joe was cast in Guys and Dolls?

Charlie: Yeah.

Jake: Man that guy sure can dance.

Charlie: Yeah.

Jake: For a Baptist.

Charlie: Hmph.

Jake: You seem down, my friend.

Charlie: Do I?

Jake: What is it? What’s up?

Charlie: Just not feeling well.

Jake: Wouldn’t have anything to do with Stephanie. Would it?

Charlie: What do you mean?

Jake: Charlie, how long have we been best friends?

Charlie: I don’t know. Six years.

Jake: So, its seven years then.

Charlie: What?

Jake: It takes seven years of being Charlie Goodwin’s best friend before he will tell you things like, oh, I don’t know, that he broke up with the love of his life!

Charlie: How did you know?

Jake: I found out from Richard! How could you not tell me?

Charlie: She wasn’t the love of my life.

Jake: You worshipped the ground she walked on! You adored her! She was everything to you. And you didn’t answer my question. How could you not tell me?

Charlie: I didn’t feel like talking about it.

Jake: You talked about it with Richard!

Charlie: Jake, are you more upset that I broke up with Stephanie, or that I told Richard before I told you?

Jake: Both. And I didn’t know you broke up with her. What happened?

Charlie: It was mutual really.

Jake: What happened?

Charlie: We just weren’t right for each other.

Jake: What happened?

Charlie: I’m just not ready…

Jake: What happened!

[Door opens USC with Duggy carrying packages followed by Carol carrying her dog.]

Duggy: Where do you want these, Sweetie?

Carol: Just put then on your bed until I’m ready to go home. Thank you dear.

Jake: Hey Carol. Hey Duggy.

Duggy: [Adjusting packages to see Jake for the first time.] Oh, hey Jake.

Carol: Charlie, could we get Ms. Emma a cup of water?

Charlie: Sure. [He exits to kitchen.]

Jake: Carol.

Carol: Jake.

Jake: So…how’s Miss Ima.

Carol: Emma

Jake: Whatever.

Carol: What?

Jake: She’s a cutie.

Carol: Aw. Thank you, Jake.

Charlie: [Returning with bowl of water.] Here you go Miss Emma.

Carol: What’s that?

Charlie: Miss Emma’s water bowl.

Carol: Miss Emma drinks from a cup.

Charlie: Right. [He exits to kitchen while Duggy returns, out of breath.]

Duggy: Sweetheart, remember what I said about Charlie. He just went through a break up.

Jake: You both know?

Duggy: Yeah.

Jake: This just gets better and better.

Charlie: [Returns with cup and hands it to Carol.] How was the vet?

Carol: We are not talking about that.

Charlie: Okay.

Richard: [Enters USC with Kelly] Oh. You’re all here.

Kelly: Hi everybody! Oh Charlie! I have just the thing to take your mind off Stephanie.

Jake: And Kelly knows.

Charlie: Kelly, please.

Kelly: Think nothing of it, Charlie. It’s what friends are for.

Jake: Even best friends.

Charlie: Kelly, I’m not…

Kelly: I don’t want to hear it, Charlie. She’s a saint and your such a caring friend. It’s a match made in heaven.

Jake: I’ve been a caring friend.

Duggy: Who are we talking about?

Richard: Some chick Kelly knows from Houston.

Charlie: I thought she was from Austin.

Kelly: She’s from San Antonio and you are both terrible listeners.

Jake: I’m a good listener.

Charlie: If I’m such a bad listener, why do you think I would be good for her?

Kelly: You can thank me later Charlie.

Charlie: Right.

Carol: My Douglas is a good listener.

Jake: Who’s Douglas?

Charlie: Duggy.

Jake: Oh.

Carol: He’s very considerate and caring. And such a dream boat.

Richard: Yech.

Jake: I’m caring. I’m considerate.

Charlie: Would you drop it. You’re a good friend.

Jake: I’m a great friend.

Richard: So…when is everyone leaving?

Kelly: Richard is just kidding. I could really use some coffee, would you mind Richard?

Richard: [Exiting to kitchen] I wasn’t kidding.

Carol: Douglas and I are going to Shakespeare in the Park this evening.

Kelly: Oh, that sounds fun!

Duggy: [Under his breath] Sounds excruciating.

Carol: Sweetie, would you take Miss Emma for a…potty.

Duggy: Sure Honey. [He takes dog from Carol and exits USC]

Richard: [Entering with coffee] Where’s Duggy going.

Jake: To Potty.

Richard: In the hall?

Kelly: Thanks, Richard. Umm, that smells so good.

Charlie: I need to get back to work.

Kelly: Oh, remember, Charlie, her name is Sam, she’s from San Antonio, she’s a fan of the New England Patriots, which we will never discuss…[she follows Charlie into his office to finish conversation]

Jake: Speaking Of “potty.” [He exits right]

Richard: Carol.

Carol: Richard.

Richard: Did you get my message.

Carol: You’re an animal.

Richard: I’m housebroken.

[Richard approached Carol and touched her collar. She slaps him. Jake enters just in time to see this]

Carol: Pig!

Richard: Easy, Sweetheart.

Carol: I’m not your…

Jake: Is everything alright?

[Kelly enters]

Carol: Everything is fine.

Kelly: What’s going on.

Richard: Nothing, Honey. Let’s go to your place.

Kelly: Tell me.

Carol: Just a little mis…

Richard: [Interrupting] Carol was just expressing her deep affections for Duggy.

Kelly: Oh?

Richard: Isn’t That right, Jake?

Jake: What?

Kelly: Jake?

Jake: Right. Yes. Her deep, even violent affections for…Duggy.

Kelly: Okay. Oh, Jake, Sam just called, her flight arrives sooner than we expected. Everyone else is tied up. Would you be so kind as to pick her up from the airport tomorrow morning?

Jake: Sure. When does her flight arrive?

Kelly: 8:00

Jake: From Houston?

Kelly: San Antonio.

Jake: Okay. I gotta go. Tell Charlie I’ll see him tomorrow.

Kelly: Thank you so much!

[Jake exits as Duggy enters up Center]

Duggy: See you Jake!

Jake: See ya.

Duggy: So, what did I miss?

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