Angst

Yesterday was a strange day for me. My anxiety was elevated and I cannot explain why. This led to a few episodes where I was internally angry but did my best, and I hope successfully, not to show it.

I’m not sure what caused my anxiety. I have some theories. But everyone deals with anxiety and everyone deals with anger.

For those of us who battle obesity, these are two feelings that tend to trigger overeating, many times flat out gluttony. Since I no longer depend on food to medicate the anxiety, I was left to deal with it in other ways. Mostly through conversations, including prayer and meditation.

I found myself at one point complaining about coffee. I know when my anxiety is up, I need to avoid caffeine. So, I made a pot of decaf. But after two cups, someone at the office, most likely unintentionally, turned off the burner under the orange pot.

This turned my anxiety into anger. So, I told at least three coworkers about my plight and this terrible offense struck against me.

After telling one of the coworkers, one who works harder than I do, I had to pause and laugh at myself mid-sentence. She had a lot more on her plate to deal with than I and she did not need to hear about the great coffee crime I was expounding on. But she still stopped and listened to my complaint.

Oh to have her patience. Or, should I say, long-suffering?

Her patience reminded me just how insignificant my problems were. And, it helped me deal with my temptation to eat a big bag of chocolate to compensate.

Early this morning I awoke from another strange dream. I dreamt two beautiful friends and I decided to stay the night in the back room of a museum where extra rooms like hotel rooms were kept. In the dream, I was so looking forward to getting to know these ladies better. But I was concerned we might not have enough towels. Knowing there was no room service at the museum and feeling increasing anxiety over the issue of clean towels, I went looking to get some towels. I ended up locked out of the museum. Upon returning with towels in hand, I discovered the museum’s security had increased so much I was unable to break back in, even with my most inspired and creative efforts. I finally woke up in a most pitiable state of anxiety.

Unable to return to sleep, I pulled out my phone and saw the most encouraging post by a friend on MyFitnessPal, a friend who overcame a rough day of her own.

That’s all it took to cheer me up, her simple words, “Tomorrow is a new day!”

When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul. – Psalm 94:19 ESV

We really are all in this together.

Now, it’s time to return to sleep, perhaps to dream.

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