Hopes and expectations

Where will you be when you get where you’re going? Do you know? Do you really know?

In early 2018 my body was shutting down. I was in fear for my life. I knew my health was a disaster and I expected to die, unless I could somehow make immediate changes. But I had no idea how to do it.

Every month I was adding on new medications to address new symptoms. I could barely function at work. My volunteer activities were severely restricted. And I was missing time with my daughter.

The hope of the righteous will be gladness, But the expectation of the wicked will perish. Proverbs 10:28 NKJV

When I began my journey, I hoped. I hoped to live a healthier life. I hoped to live longer for my daughters. I hoped to lose weight. I hoped to live to the fullest of my potential.

I had no expectations. I dared not. I failed so many times before.

So, by accident I actually followed the wisdom of this proverb. But I did not really receive understanding until last night.

Hope requires faith. Expectation exhibits pride.

Hope means we understand some things are outside our control. Hope means we must depend on someone else to deliver. Hope means we accept the need for God to be involved.

Expectations imply God is somehow expected to submit to our whim. Expectations mean we are in control. Expectations mean we do not need others.

This journey began at my lowest point, my most humbling experiences, my greatest time of need.

I was powerless.

It began with a conversation with God. It began with hope.

Even after losing so much weight I still struggle. Every day is a battle with worry about the next meal. Every hour is an internal battle with anxious hunger.

I still must hope. I still must have faith. I still have no reason to let pride crowd dependence on God and others out of my life.

I still need Him.

And I still need you.

Thanks for supporting me on this journey.

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